Non-Jews are for practice
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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