So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
