come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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