ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
