I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
