i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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