I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you win again, gameday.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
