Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
