i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
