We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
