Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We're not piercing ourselves today.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
