Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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