dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
