I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
we're making bets on your personal life
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
