i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
