Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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