Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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