i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize