you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
