That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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