she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
soo... how was my night?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
