New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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