WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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