Where is the hickey?
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
