He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She's the barista slut.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
