I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
