I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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