watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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