life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
