Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Randomize
