dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
