You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
