4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
