I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Found your dick twin last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
