giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
zippers are such a cool invention
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
