Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
