went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
