Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize