I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
