I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
