I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
