if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
