this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
