Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
