I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
