absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
