he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
