my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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