you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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