remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
