Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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