He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize