i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Randomize
