I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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