put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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