Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
