Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Still dying that you shit outside
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
