I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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