My hand turned me down
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
