You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
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