Your mouth is God's brothel.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
His hands were made for my vagina.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize