So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Randomize
