I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
