took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
