My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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