Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
