Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
