im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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