I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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