Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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