Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize