i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
