So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
