I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so let's talk penis.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
