considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Randomize
