i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
