4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize