Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize