I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
