your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
