i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i love accidental penises.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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