I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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